You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
