Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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