If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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