I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
