the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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