very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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