i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
