I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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