i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
