I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
