just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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