The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
