There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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