xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
