the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
