I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
