We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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