oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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