She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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