I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
