he thought i was a dude.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
