My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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