I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
