sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
