Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
