I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
