toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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