I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
