It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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