He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
