WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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