I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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