mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
