Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize