god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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