He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
