I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
