you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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