I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
