My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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