I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
