this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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