Nicole vs. Life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
