Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
