dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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