MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
