Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
