I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
