im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
