You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
