I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
