my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
