Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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