it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They took my balls.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
