glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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