WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
