I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
