I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
