the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
