my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
