I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
