My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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