i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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