I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize