How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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