my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i believe in u and ur pee
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
