well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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