: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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