so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
