Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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