True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
