did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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