its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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