How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
